Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Winter wardrobe

I guess I haven’t mentioned that the Fulbright scholar invited me and Frankie to a little cocktail party at her house this evening. Which is funny for many reasons, including the fact that we met her at Melissa’s party and Melissa didn’t get invited. Melissa’s thoughts on that:

I don't know who this beeotch is, but tell her thanks for coming over to my house and drinking my liquor and enjoying the outside heaters and pleasant company. Then tell her to write the check out to: Melissa "I invite people to my parties" Sorensen. I'm not bitter.

Further excerpts from the e-mail chain among me, Frankie, and Melissa yesterday afternoon and this morning:

Frankie: Jack’s masculinity is always an easy target....can you convince him not to wear turtlenecks?
Melissa: The turtleneck is a key part of the gay uniform. Frankie, apparently, you’re the other part. Have fun at the party I wasn’t invited to!!

Jack: The turtleneck is one of the most flattering things a man can wear. Seriously, it puts your head on a pedestal. Just to spite you, I'm wearing one tomorrow. Cashmere.

Frankie: People already think you are my gay lover, so just don’t wear the turtleneck . . .

Fuck him; I’m wearing a black cable-knit turtleneck today. A note to heterosexual men everywhere: I think it’s time to take back the turtleneck. Since when did it become "a key part of the gay uniform"? Seriously, some of the straightest men to ever walk this Earth were fans of the turtleneck. Two words for you: Steve Fucking McQueen. Just look at the stills from Bullit, and tell me he looks like he’s light in the loafers in his black turtleneck. Or how about this picture of Ernest Hemingway, the man who single-handedly defined the paradigmatic American male for most of the twentieth century? Nobody would ever have called Hem a poof for wearing his turtleneck and gotten away with it. It’s a damned shame that our cultural notions of masculinity have ebbed so much in the last half-century. I yearn to somehow reclaim the core and code of manhood that men like Hemingway so carefully described and tried to obey (but certainly did not invent). Dressing like a man should not be solely the province of the homosexual because they have more fashion sense. That’s all I’m saying.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

actually the turtleneck has not fallen wayside... but, much like argyle, has filed under "metrosexual." the thick, poofy hemingway "old man by the sea" turtle neck is as bad as a comb over... take a look at the thin cashmere-silk blends at Banana. you'd be surprised.

ladies?

and no, i'm not gay.

Jamm-o-rama said...

A turtleneck can be quite sexy on a man.

TeacherBee said...

I feel the urge to run out and buy my husband a turtleneck now...

Anonymous said...

Hi there! This is an interesting blog! I think turtlenecks are sexy. Fight the good fight, sweetheart.

-- Nome

Tyler said...

Your point about the turtleneck is well-taken, and McQueen was a good example. Hemingway, maybe not so much...I mean sure nobody could have gotten away with calling him a poof for wearing a turtleneck, but that might be because he was a rampant homo-phobe because of his own repressed homosexuality.