A touch of self-loathing

Der schlechte Affe haßt seinen eigenen Geruch.

I’ve been around long enough to understand that often people are most offended by the moral failings that mirror their own. This is, for example, why there’s a delicious irony in the Larry Craig airport bathroom fiasco, given, for example, his push for severe punishment of Barney Frank for his involvement in a gay prostitution scandal back in 1990.

Anyways, when I was talking with Keri (the ex) the other night, and she was telling me about her doctor boyfriend, I couldn’t help but think about what a sucker the guy was, dropping so much ducat on her and expending himself emotionally, when she clearly didn’t feel about him the way he apparently feels about her. And even though I’ve never met him, I viscerally hated him, not necessarily because he’s with Keri now, but more because of the fact that he is now her beast of burden, as I was for so long, and I hated myself when I was in that situation. And on Wednesday, even though I had never suspected anything of the sort, I couldn’t help but wonder if she had similarly cuckolded me in the past, when I was the boyfriend taking her to fun and exotic locales and trying to make things work with her. And for some reason that made me hate him even more for being the cuckold, rather than her for cuckolding him.